Love comicallyvintage.

Hate when guys use any kind of "papa" or "daddy" talk. Creeps me the eff out, esp during sexytime. I sincerely do not understand what about that is supposed to be erotic. Yucky. X_x

I just want to say that the amount of green screen work involved in that film makes me give mega props to the actors. Kinda like Rorschach and Dr. Manhatten in Watchmen, and how their fellow actors had to emote normally when in fact they looked like this (excuse the crappy photo):

I have become far too engrossed in this game. It is fantastic. Sims can even do their homework at the library! At the library, which includes a study boost. Swoon.

I bought the game too. I was on a torrenting kick for about a year, but lately have been starting to be able to legitimately register my products. I recently joined Netflix too, which I love, and officially pay for the movies and TV shows I watch.

Tell me their Watch Instantly option isn't one of the most fabulous features of modern times.

My mom has raised me to be a sarcastic child, and every now and again her biting humor rears its heads in public situations. For example:

When she was younger, she worked at a postal store and could therefore sell books of stamps. As most people know, this is not a real book. However, here is a typical transaction:

Customer: I would like a book of stamps.
Mother: Paperback or hardback?
Customer: Ah...is hardback more expensive?
Mother: Nope.
Customer: Then hardback.

In her youth, my mother also worked at Macys, and at some point did something to throw out her neck, meaning she had to wear an enormous neck brace at work. Here is a typical exchange with customers:

Customer: Oh my! What happened to you?
Mother: I broke my leg.
Customer: (sincerely) I'm so sorry.

Today, she received a call from a department store. She can be a bit forgetful when it comes to payments and as such, gets calls from the store reminding her to pay her balance.

Representative: May I ask why you didn't pay your balance on time?
Mother: Yes.
Representative: And may I ask why you didn't pay your balance on time?
Mother: Yes. Yes, you may.
Representative: So may I ask why you didn't pay your balance on time?
Mother: Yes. Yes you may ask me.
Representative: May I ask why you didn't pay your balance on time?
Mother: Yes. Yes, you may ask me why I didn't pay my balance on time.
Representative: So then may I ask you why you didn't pay your balance on time.

I am not sure how the exchange ended, but my mother said the representative never did directly ask her why.

May be the worst movie I've seen in a long time, and I've watched a lot of movies lately.

Why did I watch it? See image below:

I have a serious girl crush on Kristen Bell (also on Amanda Seyfried, which makes me the official Veronica Mars series creeper), so even though I knew the movie would be pretty bad and was willing to see it through, I was not prepared for the predominately humor-less, wit-barren film.

And way to play up the double standard, Vince. These women are hot. These men are not. No offense to Faizon, but he is downright gross-looking, whereas he has a sexy 20 year old as his girlfriend... and yet nobody thinks twice. That situation reversed would never be in a movie.

So all in all, terrible film, excellent depiction of a double standard.

Can't Be Tamed

So that's the controversial Can't Be Tamed video by Miley Cyrus.

For the most part, I have been a Miley Cyrus hater since she first appeared on the scene. Still, I won't lie-- I like that song.

However.

She is 17. That video is waaaay too sexual for her age range. And I'm not a morality-driven prude; I dated a teacher in my high school while I was in high school. But Miley Cyrus is 17, fresh out of a young-audience TV show. I felt like she looked awkward during the more physical parts of the video, a little deer-in-headlights. I know she sold her soul to Disney, but I would say give her at least another year before the adults start rubbin all up on her. I'm just sayin...

I wonder what precipitated her thought bubble.

I wish the bow tie guy in the green jacket had a thought bubble.

Also, fantastic hat.

Why would A Light in the Attic be banned? Also, love James and the Giant Peach :) Wouldn't have pegged that for a banned book either...

"Close, but the answer to all three is a baby. True, it crawls around on four legs, but if you cut off it's arms, it'll squirm around on two. If you give it a crutch, it can hobble around on three."

My favorite answer to the riddle: "What walks on 4 legs, then 2 legs, then 3 legs?"

Comes from The Riddler during a patient interview in the fabulous 2009 Arkham Asylum

video game. The whole convo is below:

Doctor: The answer is man. We crawl on four legs as babies, then learn to walk upright, then as elders we use a cane.
Riddler: Close, but the answer to all three is a baby. True, it crawls around on four legs, but if you cut off it's arms, it'll squirm around on two. Then, if you give it a crutch, it can hobble around on three.
Doctor: That's horrible! How can you even joke about something like that?
Riddler: Easy... It's not my baby...

All of these drawings were done with a BIC pen. Yes, a BIC pen. Hot damn. The link to the article is here. Otherwise, enjoy the art:

I used to think BIC pens were kinda junky. This guy has made me reconsider. Brilliant, sir.

This is why I love studying psychopharm.

This may be their best one yet. :D

"I don't understand how someone can become 'emotionally attached' to an empty hot sauce bottle."

From the show Hoarders, spoken by the father of a hoarder

I present to you: Lieutenant Pancakes.

(That's what the love of my life calls him, anyway.)

The Human Centipede

yariman:

Seriously, WTF?!

I love horror movies, but when my brother told me about this one, I was like EWWWWW. Then I saw the trailer, and was all WHY!?!??

Whoever thought of the idea for “The Human Centipede” is seriously fucked up and disgusting. The end of the trailer made my tummy feel all twisty and upset. I’ll probably end up watching it out of morbid curiosity, especially if other people I know have seen it. I guess it’s kinda like that “2 girls 1 cup” video that was floating around the interwebs a while ago. You don’t enjoy watching it, but it’s so gross you have to see it and tell everyone you know about it.

After seeing this on Yariman's blog, my sick inquisitiveness caused me to read up on it. I am still a bit queasy. However, there is a hilarious message board thread addressing the "100% medically accurate" claim made by the director. That link is def worth checking out. The movie though, probs not.

The Vampire's Assistant

The above trailer is for the movie Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.

Salma Hayek remained hot, her beard counteracted by a serious boobie presence.

I liked the movie, much more than the critics who generally scored the film on the low end of the star scale, and heeeeere's why:

What did work

There are few recent movies in the PG-13 realm that get away with that much darkness; (one of the exceptions is the fabulous The Dark Knight, my favorite film.) Much of the heaviness was laced with comedy, but the black humor is unrelenting and unapologetic, the better lines often delivered via the main Vampire, Crepsley. Here is onea such (out-of-context) quote:

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I am so excited to be here in an anonymous small town that used to have character but is now just a bland suburb filled with chain stores and surrounded by slum.

He also has a very fun line about the Vampanese being "piggies" for killing their victims; he just "sedates" them and takes a "sip."

I appreciated that, though the movie was rated as young adult friendly, they didn't appeal to a wide teen audience: they went for the twisted folk, of which I am one. They threw their punches, and threw them well in my opinion, and then kept on going. For ex, the boy who becomes the titular assistant has to leave his loved ones permanently. The film gives distinct pause to the implications for the character and his family, thus impacting the audience in a way that, while not necessarily fun, gives the movie integrity; I feel like more recent supernatural movies tend to dance (or sparkle) around integrity.

Props to the film for that.

When I saw the previews, I did not think John C. Rilley would pull off the requisite charisma for the main vampire at all. I was happily surprised, as he ended up being the best actor in the film. Every actor did their job well, save for the main character, who sometimes fell flat; thankfully, he was consistent in being nice to look at.

What Didn't Work

This bit isn't the film's fault, but "Vampenese?" Really? Terrible name. The slapstick violence in here, while mercifully infrequent, could have been eliminated nigh entirely. And (some of) the special effects could have used some work. The animation of the monkey tail and regrowth of Jenna-from-30-Rock's hand were well done, but the werewolf in the film was distinctly reminiscent of Are You Afraid of the Dark's The Tale of the Full Moon.

Also, this guy made this face a lot:

Still, I thought he was kind of cute, so I can't say definitively if that face worked for or against him.All in all, I'm a fan, and if you like twisted humor and are up to watching a movie whose main character is in high school, I say give it a go.

The chorus of B.o.B.'s Nothin' on You ft. Bruno Mars feels totally similar to the style chords used by Gorillaz, specifically ones in the chorus of their song Dare. I remember this hit me when I first heard Nothin on the radio, and I looked at the Gorillaz songs I have listened to, and Dare fits the bill best. The place I see the strongest similarity is at 3:02-3:06 in Dare, and 1:06-1:14 in Nothin'.

Maybe it's just me...

Ration tampons.

Delightful, I know, but it's true-- I wonder if any other ladies have this issue. If anyone else has the thought: how many tampons/day can I save before the cost of treatment for Toxic Shock Syndrome could outweigh the money saved in tampon-usage-redux.

Don't ever Google image search Toxic Shock Syndrome. Terrifying. However, I will still do my best at getting the max out of my money, despite the (disgusting) risks. (Haha Maxipad. Get it? No, lame, I know. It's late.)

Bitch (the magazine) has some money-saving, eco-friendly ways to minimalize tampon use-- reusable, fabric pads.

Um.... no.

I do not care that the eco-friendly pads look like Hello Kitty. In one week's time Hello Kitty is going to look like she has Toxic Shock Syndrome-- now that's just cruel.

Don't believe me? TSS Hello Kitty after the jump.
(not sure how to do 'jumps' in blogger yet: sorry!)

I think I may do some love / hate type entries in here, regarding books, movies, TV and music. Generally I do not read, watch or listen to things I hate, so despite being a serial cynic, this may be full of Love.

My first TV Love entry will be for Mythusters.

Here are two reasons:

The Content

I appreciate the way science is integrated into a show that is both interesting and family accessible. I give major props to things that, in the modern era, maintain their maximum amusement value without any reliance on vulgarity or profanity.

(For ex, I love Mitch Hedberg, probs my favorite comedian. However, mad respect to my almost favorite comedian Jim Gaffigan. His PG-rated humor is hysterical and doesn't feel empty despite being appropriate for kids.)

The Cast

Kari is hot. And Tori is hot. And Grant is adorable. The three of them seem to love their job, and it makes me love them. There are geniunely human moments on the show, particularly between them, that make it all the more engaging to me; for ex., Tori is visibly upset when Kari undergoes the Chinese Water Torture test, so much so even my brother was emotionally impacted. And touching moments aside, that rapport is too good to be fake-- and if I could be 35, look like her and have two brilliant guy friends I blew stuff up with all the time, I'd be in heaven. Fantasy much?

Adam is fantastic with the most contagious laugh to grace modern TV and a fabulous sense of humor. While Jamie is often grumpy, his wit, when present, is viscous fun. It upsets the little brother (he and I always watch Mythbusters together) and I when Jamie is short with Adam, and honestly I don't know how Jamie can be so easily bothered when he has an incredible job with incredible coworkers.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010

Also: why I had to re-name my room

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 is one of my top horror films (sharing love-space with The Shining 1980, Suspiria and The Lost Boys).

Since I had been counting down the days till the midnight premier, excited beyond reasonable doubt, of course I went drunk full of Taco Bell. And by of course I mean it was a stupid decision. At least the horror in my tummy made up for the on-screen scares I was missing in my Malibu/marinated chicken haze.

To the point: The movie has forced me to give my room a new nickname.

In the house I currently rent, my room is called The Batcave , as it is wall-to-wall Dark Knight posters (with a few Batman Begins and Arkham Asylum sundries thrown in for good measure). For a year it has been called "The Cave" for short.

The Cave is also the name of the hole-in-the-wall where Freddy Kreuger was alleged to have done sex-offender things to preschoolers.

So when I got home from the movies and said I was going to retreat to "The Cave," it was quite the dark hysterical moment. For those who have seen the movie, you may appreciate that my housemate suggested I take my current crush into my room, raise a claw hand and say, "I'm your girlfriend now!"

So if you're curious where the title of this blog comes from, see the above picture. It's not my favorite book, but it's written by one of my favorite authors. I cite her compilation Dangerous Angels as a "book" favorite, which is totally cheating because it's five books in one. Can't say which in there is my true favorite, but I know I love the first story-- Weetize Bat (and the only one written in the lovely 1980s)-- since it's the one I've read the most. The author of the books, Francesca Lia Block, is the daughter of a poet and a painter, which explains, or at least accurately describes, her writing: it's not prose so much as poetic genre paintings, although the day-to-day she describes is her vision of a trip-tastic, hippie-driven LA, CA. Love it.